It’s the season to go inside. But sometimes you don’t feel the way you’d like. Fortunately, there’s always help if you're stuck. Just look for it. Eva Kapitany is a trainer and coach. From the very beginning, she has been by our side. Eva helps us to go inward. And to find solutions there. We jokingly call it our periodic checkup. Our founder Cathelijne and Eva talk about this process.
Untangle a ball of wool
Cathelijne: What makes going inward so difficult sometimes? Eva: "Being inside asks you to let go of the 'outside' for a while. Often, that’s in comparison with others. When your 'lack of self-confidence' is talking, you don't see things correctly. Like a tangled ball of wool, you have to untangle it first."
Making visible what is hidden
Cathelijne: To others I usually describe you as the blind-spot champion. With constellations you help me see the bigger picture. I then feel that I am at the truth. That gives so much peace! Eva: "You can become a slave to your own patterns. Often, they are so ingrained that you don't even see them. Constellations can reveal hidden connections and patterns. You look at your own life. And that can touch you deeply."
Money and ideals together
Cathelijne: One of my most beautiful constellations was about 'Money' and 'Ideals'. For years, I worked extremely hard but I wasn't earning a dime. Major financial problems were the result. I introduced that as a theme. Two people represented the two forces. It turned out that they couldn’t connect at all. The 'Ideals' didn't like the 'Money'. A bit dirty, it wasn’t allowed to be there. After some deeper investigation it turned out that 'Money' was actually quite nice. They realized that they needed each other. Eventually they became the best of friends. So beautiful.
Shifting on a deeper level
Eva: "With constellations you work on an unconscious layer. Something shifts at a deeper level. I often hear afterwards that things shift in reality aswell.“Cathelijne: The beautiful thing was that two weeks later, I found an investor who helped develop my business side! Then we finally started making some money, and realizing our ideals. Eva: “Things can always shift. It may take some time. Or great effort. But anyone can make progress. As long as you dare to look."
"You are a member of your family system. You are part of it. And you have your own path to walk. It's about being your own autonomous authentic adult personality. Free to live your dreams and ideals. It makes you feel rich."
What’s a (family) constellation?
A constellation is a spatial representation of your system. Like a picture you can look at. It gives you insight into the deeper causes of problems. Often those can be traced to one of your dynamics, such as your family or your company. Usually you work with a group of people but you can also use objects or papers. All participants are arranged a certain way. They represent parts of your system, for example your parents, partner, colleagues, or friends. Through the participants you achieve information about your issue.
Focus on your wish, a mini-constellation for yourself
In some situations you do not feel as you would like: too small, not powerful, dependent, powerless, something done to you by another ... With this exercise you go inside for a moment. You train yourself to stand firm and take your desires seriously. You take your place in your family line. Whether you know your ancestors well or have never met them, whether you have a good relationship with them or maybe not, it doesn't matter for this exercise. You take your place. You can do the exercise as often as you like.
Find a quiet space where you won't be disturbed for a while.
1. Write this sentence on a piece of paper and complete it:
"I want to feel ..."
2. Take 7 pieces of paper and write on them in your native language the words: dad, mom, grandpa (2x) grandma (2x), me. Use the words you use in everyday life.
3. Put the papers on the floor, like a family tree.
4. Now stand on the paper I, facing your origin. See before you how you face your parents, grandparents and grandparents. Look at them one by one, even if you never knew them, or if they are no longer alive.
5. Keep looking and say aloud or within yourself, "I belong to you."
6. Take time to feel what that does.
7. Now ask, "Do you look at me kindly when I feel ... ? (fill in your wish from point 1).
8. Turn around quietly. Smile and say inwardly, "Here I go."
9. Take time to feel this all the way through.
Turn your insights into a journal
Got some great insights? Maybe you like to keep a journal. Our notebooks with themes like journey and keep growing can't wait to be filled with your personal story. Let's tell each other a beautiful story every day. A story that stays with you.
Discover more? Read here our 7 tips for going inside.